


shattered

by singingfroggo



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Bad Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singingfroggo/pseuds/singingfroggo
Summary: It wasn’t like he didn’t try. Right? I mean, a literal lifetime of trauma is bound to result in some damage.(AU where Steven yeets jasper too hard and she is shattered into the nth dimension)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 61





	shattered

**Author's Note:**

> just wanted this to exist apologies its notvery good

He thought he was over this, being held hostage by his own feelings. Well, maybe not over, per say, but at least he had it under control. Okay, not exactly either, but at least he tried. 

Really, it was what made him different. Separated him from the cast of brutal space tyrants he had met over the course of saving the galaxy. Sometimes, he thought it was the only thing that differentiated him from the diamonds, from his mom; the thin veil of restraint that divided them. 

Steven knew all too well what power without restraint was. Now, as he was carrying the pieces of Jasper’s gem in his shaky, clasped hands, he wished he had done a better job of internalising it. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t try. Right? I mean, a literal lifetime of trauma is bound to result in some damage. 

No. Not this much, never even close, nothing he could ever say or do could justify, and most importantly, could undo this. He could fix up her gem so good that you wouldn’t ever be able to tell anything had happened to her, but the memory would stay. He’d have to live with the fact that he did this. But he did that to himself. He felt like he had just ripped out his own humanity. 

He barely remembered the fight, despite how little time had passed since then. It was like a fever dream, a haze of violence. He never wanted it to of this far. Or did he? He wanted her to hurt and suffer for everything she put him and the people he loved through. Maybe no amount of payback would even be enough. Some momentary physical pain would never come close to the sheer damage she’d inflicted on him and so many other undeserving individuals. 

Some other part of him thought that was just a guise for having something to take his anger out on. Anything, anyone - and Jasper was a sufficiently terrible person for Steven to at least partially justify it. And it felt so good not to hold back; the rush when you realise how ridiculously powerful you are, is enough to make the most even-tempered person involuntarily smile. So was it really so bad that he went further, and further and further, until the excitement finally plateaued, shattered by the revelation of what he’d just done?

Well, that didn’t really matter now. What mattered was healing Jasper. Steven did truly want to hurt her, at least for a little bit, at least enough, but he was also very, very sorry. Sorry didn’t cover it. 

Covered in three days worth of sweat, dirt and grime, Steven burst through the door of the temple, ignoring the worried cries of the Gems. Didn’t matter now. 

Hastily opening the door to his bathroom, he turned on the tap on the bathtub to maximum speed, blast of the water drowning out the gems pleas. Rummaging through the closet, he found the precious healing vials the diamonds had given him. He pulled off the corks, shakily dumped the mixture into the water until the containers were empty, and leaned over to allow his tears in, trying his best to ignore the red, snot-covered monstrosity that stared back at him. 

He stared at the mesmerising hues of blue, yellow, white and pink, swirling and mingling hypnotically. 

_Please, please, work._

The shards, if you could even call the glinting orange dust in his hands that, glowed a little. 

A little bit of hope sparked in Steven. Maybe, it was going to be okay after all. 

He had to be careful to hold Jaspers gem together. Tip a little, and the gem dust would get lost in the water. 

They glowed a little more.

_Please, please, please work._

A vaguely familiar shape began to rise out of the light. 

Staring wide-eyed like a child, Steven let out a hopeful wince. 

But even faster than it formed, it retracted into what was left of the gem, fizzling out like a dying flame. 

No. 

_No._

In a last ditch, futile effort Steven released the pieces into the water, stirring helplessly, until even the mixture seemed to lose its shine. Trembling over the edge of the bathtub, he curled up and pounded his fists on his head. He didn’t stop even when he felt lightheaded, maybe if he hit himself hard enough, he’d astral project into another dimension, or some shit. He’s the only thing he has left to destroy anyway. He didn’t have the time to register the Gems finally rushing in, bent over his body that felt so big and small at the same time, tears in their eyes, faces stained with fear, before everything had finally faded to black. 

Maybe he was more Diamond than human after all.

**Author's Note:**

> well. imsorrysteven


End file.
